Tuesday, April 26, 2011

a great poem

‎The Best of It


However carved up
or pared down we get,
we keep on making
the best of it as though
it doesn’t matter that
our acre’s down to
a square foot. As
though our garden
could be one bean
and we’d rejoice if
it flourishes, as
though one bean
could nourish us.


- Kay Ryan

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Jesus was a Commie and Other Easter Thoughts


I may be a godless heathen who was converted to the practice of witchcraft due to early childhood exposure to Harry Potter, but Easter still means a lot to me and I still have a lot of annoying opinions about Jesus & Co. My father is the kind of Catholic that hates the Pope and eschews parochial school labor practices, then claims he's a Buddhist and doesn't hate anyone because Jesus didn't hate anyone.

My mother is Jewish and we celebrated both Passover and Easter in the house growing up. This year, due to Oberlin's academic calendar, I was unable to celebrate the former and unwilling to observe the latter, except in my own special way. I'm not a spiritual person and I'm not claiming that my "special way" was in any religious sense observant, but I spent a couple hours trying to watch "Jesus Christ, Superstar" on the internet and settling for clips on YouTube.

The truth is, as unobservant and unreligious as I am and work hard to be, I think there is value in the stories handed down through the generations. The Bible is not the only short story collection I think humanity can benefit from, but it is one of the most widely-read, and it seems the adult thing to do to come to terms with it.

Here's a short list of the things I gleaned from my parents, the HarperCollins Children's Bible I spent some time reading (and rereading) as a child, watching "Jesus Christ, Superstar" in its entirety every couple of years:

1. Jesus was a communist. Well, if not a communist, a radical anti-capitalist. And if not that, exactly, at least a supporter of unions, communal living, and a believer in fair pay for hard work. I am positive he would support welfare and living wage reform, and then cry into his hemp pillow that the rest of the world was so harsh these things are needed. The man was a carpenter (a manual laborer), and he lived in what was basically a prototype of a co-op with twelve other dudes and a hooker. Which leads me to

2. Jesus loved everyone, including sex workers. It's not some strange coincidence that Mary Magdalene is a prostitute.* I'm pretty sure she has her cameos in the Bible to make a certain few points, many of which Dan Brown can probably obscure for you. At the most basic and unassuming level, Jesus has love for sex workers. Whether or not that love extended to the physical and earthly desires is up for debate, much like whether or not Sam and Frodo of Lord of the Rings fame were getting it on in the Shire. But Jesus would probably have supported the rights of sex workers to health care, legal recognition, safety, and respect.

3. Jesus pushed aside the boulder to his resting-cave, popped out into the sun, and said something like, "Everyone can eat cheeseburgers." Thus is my understanding of the observance of Lent. Although

4. Jesus was probably vegan (excluding the honeyed locusts or whatever). Because he loved everyone, including goats and cows and chickens, and would have wept for humanity over global warming.



As we can see, my understanding of Jesus and the Bible pretty much precludes an understanding of the conservatives and fundamentalists who hijack this great work of human literature for their own nefarious gains. Have some Martin Luther King, Jr. for more persuasive intellectualizing on this point:


And have a happy Easter. WWJD? He'd probably laugh at the Peeps, pop a Cadbury egg, then cast his spell to make food multiply forever. And then give it to the children, of course.



* As a Christian friend of mine who I respect deeply pointed out to me on the Facebook, the Catholic Church made up that Mary M. was a prostitute. I had no idea. My understanding of her is predominantly informed by Dan Brown novels. My sincere apologies. Still makes the Church look hella bad to point it out, though, so I'm happy to.

Monday, April 4, 2011

What the Hell It Is I Think I'm Doing

I'm a writer. It's not a pretense, it's not a lifestyle choice. It's certainly not a career (yet-- a girl of 21 can still hope).

I'm a writer because I write. Constantly and compulsively, in a bunch of genres; so far without tangible success-- if success is determined by economics and renown. But I've gotten encouraged, and at the end of the day that's really what we need to keep dreams alive, don't we? To keep working towards our goals? And some people seem to manage just fine without any encouragement, so there's a life mystery for you.

I've written stand up, sketch comedy, criticism, straight plays, poetry, postcards, speeches, travel journalism, personal nonfiction, blogs, emails, love letters, political essays, petitions, syllabi, in a diary for five consecutive years and a few scattered others. I can't help it. It's what I do, who I am, and how I live. It's not my place to say what's utter garbage and what's not. That's for others to judge. All I can do is keep doing it. I virtually hemorrhage prose. Hey, no one promised it would be pretty. I'm admitting it's often not.

Years and years ago, as a silly fifteen-year-old keeping a Xanga (for those not in high school in the early 2000s: an old-school blog template we frequented in the days before Facebook) for middle school friends that partially and tragically revolved around my obsession with Harry Potter, I wrote a mock-Oscar acceptance speech for when I win the award for best original screenplay. (Hubris, thou art a fickle bedfellow.)

It was great. Great to think that big. Great to have that confidence. How many dozens of times a day can we be told our dreams outstrip our means? How often is an adolescent girl discouraged from pursuing jobs in the arts? The best part is that it was never an award for acting or modeling or fashion or teaching or journalism that I wanted. It wasn't what I was constantly told-- by well-meaning folks surrounding me, the media, my friends-- to want. Pretty girls act. Smart girls teach. Girls who want to write compete for magazine internships. Honey, get yourself a nice job where no one will hassle you for being a woman in a man's world. Work in a place where you do what you do well, and so what if you never leave your comfort zone?

The truth is, where I want to be isn't the friendliest place for a lady. Comedy? Writing? The sort of shows I want to work for-- The Daily Show, Community, Saturday Night Live-- are not run by women. Letterman is constantly mistreating his female staffers. Well-known and regarded journalists loudly and repeatedly claim women aren't funny. So what does an (over?) educated young women in her earliest twenties do upon leaving school?

She turns to other interests: traveling. Working in academia. She finds a fantastic job in another country for the year after graduation. She won't be paid well, but she'll tread the line between safe and adventurous. A little stability, a little security, new life experience. She fills out a work permit application. Gets passport photos. Applies for temporary residence. Searches desperately and so far unsuccessfully for an apartment in Copenhagen to lease for 13 months.

See, I get the next year and a half to hit pause. Maybe that's why I'm uncomfortable when my mother tells me she's proud of me: I feel a little like I've cheated. I'm sure I haven't. I'm sure everything is great. It's just a feeling that's a little hard to shake when you clarify for yourself what it is you want to do, and it has little to do with your actual plans.

The only solution I can think of is to write like a maniac. Write this lengthy blog post. Think on cyber paper for a little while. Ask friends, by way of posting this very entry, to weigh in.

And when the time comes-- because, after all, thirteen months is significant but not an eternity (less than celebrities usually spend in jail and rehab combined, let's be honest-- and working in another country is a huge privilege and stroke of immense luck)-- I can try harder. Take a risk. Move to Los Angeles or New York. Stop hiding behind other (admittedly fantastic) opportunities. Take myself someplace I'm scared to go, and chase the damned rainbow for as long as it doesn't depress the hell out of me to run.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

You can't go home again, but you can go back.

(Picture taken by me during the COP15 demonstrations in Dec. '09)

In about four and a half months, I'll set off for thirteen months of living abroad. It's a little odd to think that my first "adult experience"-- by which I mean, post-graduate job-- won't be in New York or L.A. or Chicago or any of the other cities I grew up thinking I would immediately move to upon graduation. But you know what? The political landscape isn't the one I grew up thinking I'd inherit, either.

Working abroad will be different than studying abroad-- I can't just pick up and leave whenever I want, and I'll be working 8am-5pm Mondays through Fridays instead of going to class sporadically four days a week. But I think I'll find the time to explore more of Europe. There's so much I didn't do the first time around, so many places I didn't visit. After working at National Geographic Traveler, I have even more ideas than when I went the first time of what to do. Most importantly, I want to try some of these.

THINGS I AM LOOKING MOST FORWARD TO ABOUT RETURNING TO KOBENHAVN:
- weinerbrod



- cafes that stay open through the cold weather and supply customers with blankets and heat lamps


- sophisticated transportation



Friday, February 25, 2011

Living Quietly

It's been a month exactly since my last post, and so very much has happened. I'm happily back in Oberlin, Ohio, finishing my last semester of college-- which is both surreal and joyful.

Today, I was offered a job I wanted very much in Copenhagen, Denmark-- an internship position at the very same school I attended back in Fall 2009. I'm feeling grateful and dizzy, in that order, and a small measure of sadness. My life in America has been so good lately. I hope leaving for thirteen months to settle temporarily abroad isn't turning my back on everything (everyone) I love here.

I hope to get this blog up and running again as the departure date grows nearer. And I hope the Americans I love can visit me.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Fourth Week Reflection

Blogs! Travel blogs, work blogs, internship blogs, project blogs, volunteer blogs, graduate school blogs. Just about every college student and postgrad has a reason to blog and a half-baked dream of penning the next inspiration for a Hollywood hit a la "Julie & Julia"-- but almost none of our lives have a fraction of the required glamor. And fewer still have a fraction of the required appeal.

I wish I'd written more about interning at National Geographic, but the sad truth is that four weeks is a really short amount of time. This is my 23rd day in Washington, DC, and I'm not sure what I have to show for it other than a painfully depleted bank account.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY ABOUT OUR NATION'S CAPITAL

- Everyone is political. Everyone. And sometimes it's appropriate to discuss. And sometimes, apparently, it's very much not. Pulling out your copy of The Militant on a train near the White House might not be the smartest move you make that day.

- Eating out is more expensive here than in most major US cities, because District restaurants and bars cater to high-powered lawyers and politicians. Why bother with a student menu or cheap ethnic food when you can make bank decking out a hole-in-the-wall with suit-luring decor?

- Food trucks just look and taste cheap. A cupcake is still $3, and a tiny slice of pizza that would embarrass New York and Chicago goes for a cool $5.

- The Metro claims to be one of the cleanest public transit systems in the country, and actively pursues this agenda with terrifying, 300x -sized pictures of rats on posters throughout city terminals with the distressing caption: "You gonna eat that?"

- The Metro, like the food, is over-priced. There is actually a calculator on the DC transit's website designed to calculate whether your trip in and out of the District is more cost-effective with a car or with the train. ?! Public transportation should ALWAYS be cheaper than driving. That's why it's called "public transportation" - it's meant to be for the public. You don't even see homeless people getting warmth and rest on train cars or buses because the cost is prohibitive. That's not right. If the country can't even support cheap public transit in its capital city, there's something wrong.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Highs and Lows of Unpaid Jobs: An Interning Manifesta

Working at National Geographic Traveler this month technically marks my fourth time being an intern. (If I were honest, though, I'd have to say that the time I briefly interned for wonderful theater company Strange Tree -- last January Term, kind of-- shouldn't really count. Because I don't have a driver's license, I ended up not being particularly helpful to them, much as we all wished I could have been. They are incredible people who do incredible work, but that was the only time I felt, as an intern, that I wasn't really altogether as helpful as I should have been.)

The two other times I've been an intern have also been with theater companies, Steppenwolf and The Neo-Futurists in my hometown. National Geographic is obviously different from that, because the magazine world is absolutely nothing like the theater world. I'm grateful for the breath of fresh air, to be frank, and the opportunity to learn a new world.

There are some things these internships have in common, though. For one, they're unpaid-- the labor unionist in me rebels!-- but because they're all nonprofits, I've always swallowed my socialist politics on that one and mostly been grateful that my family can support me while I take on these weeks and months of working for free. Not everyone is so lucky. In fact, most people aren't. It's a privileged position to be able to work for free, and schools like Oberlin should do a better job of monetarily supporting the students who aren't able to do it on their own.

To be fair, working for free is what apprenticing has always been about. You give your time and work hard in exchange for access to people and trade knowledge. It's almost a fair system, if the contemporary world wasn't so dependent on the exchange of money. And in days of old, even thirteen-year-old blacksmith's assistants would get room and board, right?

I am not complaining. Like I said, I feel pretty lucky that I'm able to do this, to appease my curiosity and work hard for something I can feel proud about. Travel journalism is something I can feel proud about. Every day, I get to work in a building with banners outside proclaiming that National Geographic Society is "Your window to the world." I thought about this a lot this morning as I bounded up the stairs, a little later than I should have been due to the snow DC's just had: I get to work at your window to the world? Who's the "you" in that statement? Washington? America? The world? The world's window to the world? It gets confusing at that point.

But anyway, another thing that hung me up about it was that WINDOWS happen to be the thing I miss most when I'm interning. The way my particular cubicle and computer are arranged, I can't see a sliver of daylight. If I push back my chair about a foot from the keyboard, I can sometimes peek into a neighbor's office to look outside her window longingly-- but there's a big brick building (with the lettering "Sumner School" across its top) blocking most of the sunshine. At first, I'd liked that building. Today, day eight of working here, I just miss seeing the sky.

And when I worked at Steppenwolf last summer-- a job I loved, make no mistake-- it was a similar situation. I worked 9-5 in a cubicle, crunched on either side by two others who shared the same desk. Thank god we became friends. Only in August, after three months of interning, did I realize I'd missed the summer.

The adults reading this will probably nod knowingly or shake their heads with jaded recognition. "Yes," you're saying to yourselves, "That's what being an adult is about." Working in an office and sacrificing the seasons. "You do it to provide for yourself and your family."

Well, being an unpaid intern doesn't provide for me or my family, at least not directly. In fact, it detracts from my family's... provisions. "Well," some people will tell you, "The whole point is that you make connections now for a job later." Sure. But there's a nice girl working downstairs in the NatGeo Store who said she had eight internships before graduating college, a few after, and then couldn't find a job. She works here and at Starbucks. And that's the story I hear most often.

One thing us Gen Yers are always accused of, though, is entitlement. How dare I, goes the argument, presume that I deserve anything at all, let alone a job with a salary or, heaven forbid, health care benefits?

The answer is complicated. Growing up as perhaps the first global generation (my friends were making YouTube videos seen by viewers in Hong Kong when we were fifteen, and most of us, regardless of class, have gotten abroad at one time or another), the people I know are pretty aware of the crises facing developing countries and disasters happening with alarming regularity all over the world today. There is that knowledge, but with it comes resignation, an early strain of the lethal virus of empathetic exhaustion. We're told to care about so many things and given so few outlets to do anything about them (that are easy or widely presented, at least), that many people of all ages, but most critically my own, simply give up.

We retreat into pop culture and have collectively developed a similar sense of post-post-modern, ironic humor. Can you blame us? With so little uniting us on an international level, let alone a national one, we're grateful and excited that, meeting another twentysomething in an elevator, we might have "Doctor Who" or Neutral Milk Hotel in common. "Have you seen the latest Andy Samberg sketch?" we ask each other urgently, as if it's of vital importance to both our idea of self and of community. In a very sad but true way, it is.

But the question was one of entitlement. I was born in 1989. People around my age spent some pretty formative years in an America with a surplus, when the biggest national problem seemed to us whether Bill Clinton had cheated on his wife. I hasten to say we were the last generation pretty universally inculcated with the idea that our country was essentially good and essentially the most powerful one on earth. These things, while responsible for unpleasantness like imperialism, arrogance, and ignorance, also provide citizens with a heady sense of security and well-being.

So 2001 happens. Adults around the country are shocked. Kids around the country are confused. And us-- preteens, teenagers-- are young enough to reconfigure our worldview to include this event, not implicitly reject it as "something that doesn't happen." Guess what? It happened. Our conception of the universe was still malleable enough to account for it, so you have a generation that no longer plans for permanence. (Could this be why so many more people today get tattoos than a decade ago? It seems trivial but related to me.)

Just a few years later, the world economy collapses. We aren't shocked, we aren't panicked. Unlike our elders, who watch as their jobs disappear and their pensions dry up, we never expected those things, not really. We were told ten years ago that the world was ending with Y2k, and secretly hoped it would. It's a year until 2012 now, another beacon of hope for the world to end, and people my age are deliriously delighted with the prospect. The world ending means we can stop feeling guilty about our impotence and physically disappear, like we've always subconsciously feared and desired.

Which brings us back to internships. I have loved all my internships, and you have to, on a daily basis, appreciate them for what they are-- because what they are not is an investment. Common wisdom says the opposite, but any unemployed graduate can tell you the reality.

But see, that comes easily to me. Taking things one day at a time, planning for a month here, three months there. Nothing lasts-- nothing ever did, but today things are less stable than ever, and the process has sped up considerably. I can't even get an iPod for Christmas before the next one is already hitting the tech geek blogs.

It's not a problem, this state of evanescence, because not only is it the ultimate human condition, it's well-suited to the brains of teens and twentysomethings. The parts of our minds that plan for the long-term aren't even fully developed yet, according to my neuroscience professors. If you see a pierced hipster on the side of the road, looking altogether pretty calm about being jobless, that's probably part of it.

But what happens to us as we age? By the time people my age hit their thirties, social security might be history. By the time we recognize why something like socialized healthcare might be a pretty great idea, the time for activism might have passed us by.

It's important that people who are in their teens and twenties now try to wrap their heads around that reality. Do I think we will? Nah. Not on the whole. But if just a few of us do, and if just a few of us are willing to put that time and energy into leaving the world a better place than how we found it (I can hear laughing at the sprawling ambition of such a hope), that might be enough. At least, thinking at all about these things would be a start.