The Rowling: A Rip-off of The Raven I'd Been Meaning to Write

Many times a midnight dreary, while I pondered chic and cheery,

Over seven Potter volumes filled with lasting magic lore,

While I Tumbled, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my cyber door.

`’Tis some spammer,’ I muttered, `tapping at my cyber door -

Only this, and nothing more.’

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

`Sir,’ said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is I was busy, and so gently you came bugging,

And so faintly you came chugging, spamming at my cyber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you’ - here I clicked wide the window; -

Fandom there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stared there wondering, fearing,

Doubting, dreaming dreams all fans had dared to dream before;

But the squealing was unbroken, and the fandom gave no token,

And the only word there spoken was the whispered, `Pottermore!’

This I whispered; forum keyboards smashed about with, `Pottermore!’

Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a clicking somewhat louder than before.

Here I clicked the link, and finally, with a tiny bit of silly,

Opened up a YouTube video of the Rowling from our childhood days of yore.

Then this lovely clip beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By the generous, bright decorum of the author we adore,

`We’ve waited for a prequel,’ I said, `this is surely not its equal:

What the flaming hell have we to look for ever more?’

Quoth the Rowling, `Pottermore.’

Much I marveled to hear her cyber plans so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was blessed with reading more of Harry Potter’s lore -

We’d hoped for encyclopedias and sequels - for Marauder-era prequels,

Yet no such thing is promised with mysterious `Pottermore.’

`Jo!’ said I, `Oh, please give more!’ Beseeching, ‘we can’t bear it longer!

By all ghosts of Hogwarts gleaming - by that God named Dumbledore -

Tell this soul with fiction nurtured if, within the distant future,

It shall have new information made about Marauders four -

Dare we hope for salient prequels, which the fangirls would adore?’

Quoth the Rowling, `Pottermore.’

`Be that word our sign of parting, friend or fiend!’ I shrieked upstarting -

`Get thee back to Edinburgh’s cold shore!

Leave no quill nor wand a token of that myth thy soul hath spoken!

Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the tease of Potter lore!

Take thy site from out my heart, and stop ripping off Lenore!’

Quoth the Rowling, `Pottermore.’